Gold Wings and Sparrowhawk - Chapter 18

Chapter 18

December 27^th 1999

Harm had intended to stay the whole week in California, but he had a letter to post, and someone to see. It took him several phone calls, four different flights, and over twenty four hours, but he finally made it.

He stepped out of the cab, paid the driver and stood in front of the fence for a moment, admiring the house. It was a typical farm of the Basque region of France, painted white with red trimmings and shutters. There was no bell to ring, so he opened the low gate and entered. He walked to the house, and was wondering on which door to knock when he heard dogs barking. He stopped right where he was, unsure of what would happen next. Someone opened a door, and two fur bullet shot out and went straight for him. They started sniffing at him, being curious but not threatening.

When Harm caught sight of Nell, his heart did a summersault in his chest and settled back again, and he knew in that moment he had made the right choice. He hadn't chosen Nell because she was pregnant, but because he was craving the innate peace between them. Nell recognized Harm and made her way to him. She whistled and the dogs sat down, butts wriggling on the ground.

« Hey, Flyboy. » Nell's smile was huge. He thought he would see this smile often in his future, and he enjoyed the idea. And he promised himself he would do his best never to see this smile falter.

« Hey, Dragon. »

The dogs were whining so she gave them a rub on the head. « This is Scaramouche and this is Figaro. There are good dogs, just overly friendly. »

Harm extanded his hand and let the dogs sniff him. They gave him a lick and asked for a pat. He obliged, and on Nell's wave, they jumped and ran in the meadow.

They stood, face to face, looking intensely at each other. Harm took Nell's hand.

« The door I walked through leads to you and our baby. Will you marry me, Nell ? »

Nell's smile had a tease in it. « You're not talking about of security this time ? »

Harm laughed. « Never again, I promise. »

« Then it's a yes. I'll marry you. »

Harm put his hand on Nell's cheek and kissed her. She sighed and they got lost in the tenderness. They stayed embraced for a moment, savoring the affection that linked them. When he had pushed the gate open, Harm hadn't been sure of his heart. But holding Nell in his arms, feeling her against him, he knew he had made the right choice. The feel of her was right. He still grieved closing Mac's door, but being with Nell was... right. Like a jigsaw piece that had found its place.

They were disturbed when Nell's brother Nicolas darted by them on his bike and catcalled. Nell waived with a smile and led Harm inside. She thought fleetingly about asking him how he found her here. But thinking back, her father had been quite secretive the day before, with some phone call he took privately. She smiled and mentally thanked him for the surprise.

Meeting her family was less stressful than Harm had thought. Bruno, her general of a father was pretty much like any other general her had met, straight forward and serious. Her sister Isabelle was petite and charming, and she welcomed him with a smile that told him she and Nell had been talking about him. And he figured her brother-in-law Benoît was military from the first handshake. Since they would become his family too, he was enjoying the familiar territory. They had three kids, two young boys that kept running around and a newborn girl.

But when Nell's mom came out of the kitchen, he suddenly felt not so much at ease. Barbara was a tall willowy woman, with hair dyed the most bright red, dressed in a long dress and flowing shawls. She was so different from what he expected, he didn't know what to say after the first hello. She welcomed him with a smile, so he relaxed a bit. Her accent was also intriguing to Harm's ear and he discretely asked Nell.

« My mother's German. They met when dad was stationned in Stuttgart. »

Harm only ever spoke English, so French and German in-laws was going to be a challenge. And he realized he was ready for anything for Nell and their baby.

Nell felt her heart would explode from the joy of seeing Harm. His coming here, calling her dad to get directions to surprise her was more than she had hoped. When she had seen him in the alley, her heart had skipped a beat, and she had recognized the feeling for what it was : love. She was in love with Harmon Rabb Jr. She probably had been for quite some time, but now was the time to accept it and let it grow. Would he be in love with her one day ? She had been ready to give him up, to let him go away to another woman, but now, he was stuck with her, and she was going to make sure he never regretted his decision.

Nell's room was on the second floor, on to front of the house, facing west. Through the french doors leading to a balcony, Harm could see the mountains on the horizon. He thought it was a lovely sight, one he would be happy to see in the morning when opening the shutters. He put his bag on the floor and turned to Nell. She was tidying the room in a hurry, putting away clothes, making the bed. He had never seen her so messy.

« Sorry. I always let go of all my military training when I'm around my mother. She has a way of making me forget I'm usually neat. »

« Moms can do that. »

« There's room in the closet if you want to put away your clothes. Bathroom is next door. I forgot to ask you how long you're staying. »

« I have to be back at JAG on January 3^rd, so I took a ticket for a flight back on the first. I don't have any plans before that. »

Nell shoved what she was holding in a drawer and turned to Harm.

« I'm glad. »

Harm put his hands on Nell's waist and pulled her towards him. She put her arms around him and put her ear on his heart. She felt his sigh and the weight of his chin on her head. His arms came around her and they embraced tenderely. They stood there for a moment, in a tender embrace.

Nell had a sudden move and put her hand on her belly.

« What is it ? »

« I felt the baby move ! »

Harm put his own hand on Nell's belly and felt a small movement, soft like a feather. He felt his heart skip a beat, and then settle again. Seing the pictures of the sonogram was one thing, but he knew feeling this tiny life inside of Nell was changing his life. Tears welled up in his eyes and he rested his foreheard on hers.

Once again they were interrupted, this time by two little boys who came in running.

« Lunch is ready ! »

« We're having peas and carrots and roast beef ! »

« Why are you hugging ? »

Harm smiled at them, a bit unsure about what to do or say. Nell shooshed them.

« We'll be down in a minute. Go wash up ! »

Nell put her arms around Harm's neck and gave him a kiss that reminded him of Naples. She unhooked her hands and started to leave when Harm stopped.

« I almost forgot ! »

He picked something up in his bag and handed it to Nell. It was the engagement ring he had given her only a few days before.

« Will you wear it ? »

« Of course ! »

She offered her hand and he put the ring back on her finger.

Harm thought « Just where it belongs. »

And Nell thought « This time it's on for good. »

*****

Same day

Mac's apartment

The hand-written letter surprised Mac, and she frowned her brow when she recognized Harm's penmanship. She went back to her apartment and sat down to read it. It was the first letter he had written to her and something told her it was important.

Dear Sarah,

I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was getting engaged. So much happened these past few months and I didn't take the time.

Nell and I met flying in the early nineties, and we have stayed in touch over the years. We flew together again last summer and things took... an unexpected turn. I might as well tell you, we're having a baby in June.

You're a very dear friend of mine, Sarah, and I'm sorry I hurt you. We have a partnership unlike any I’ve experienced. You've been at my side in the most dire situations, followed me to Hell and back. We have endured and experienced many incredible things and I have so much respect for you and everything you are. You brought the best in me by simply being you.

But my path has veered off away from you, and I had to close the door on what might have happened between us. Even though it hurts right now, this is what's best for the both of us.

When I come back in January, I know things will be different. But I want to stay friends with you. It will probably feel weird working together for a while, but I think we can find an new rythm, a new way to be around each other. I want to make this friendship work, I really do. I hope you do too.

And I hope you find a man who loves you like you deserve. Who knows, maybe Brumby will be able to win you over now that I'm out.

I wish you all the best.

Harm

As she was reading, Mac felt her heart break. She thought he had carefully chosen his words, and each of them was like a knife drawing blood. At the end, tears were rolling freely down her cheeks. Curse him. Curse him for opening her heart, make her want, curse him for making her believe.

This girl was coming out of nowhere, and she was stealing her sailor right from under her nose ! When Harm had announced his engagement, she couldn't believe it. She even had a few nice words with that girl before he had released the news. But of course, she was a pilot, so they had that in common. But she had never been around before. How could he have gotten her pregnant ? June... that would place the conception in... September. When they were both flying.

And Mac remembered. Harm had told her he went to visit Dubrovnik with a friend, and they'd been shot at. She assumed it was a male friend, someone from the carrier. She'd been afraid for his security. Not his heart.

The baby, the sudden engagement, Mac thought Harm had once more been the perfect gentleman and done the right thing. She wondered if that marriage would last. The girl seemed taken up with him. And Harm had a deal with her first anyway. When baby AJ was born, he was the one saying they should have a baby in five years. Would he be divorced by then, and able to uphold his promise ?

Mac was so hurt she wanted to break something. Instead, she packed her gym bag and headed out. A session with gloves and a sandbag would do her good.

*****

Gold Wings and Sparrowhawk - Chapter 17

Chapter 17

December 22^nd 1999

Harm's apartment

Harm felt like he had been hit by a hammer. He looked at the ring, glistening under the light. When he had taken the decision to propose to Nell, he had thought it would be good for the baby, yes, but he also thought he wouldn't mind being married to her. She knew him by heart, and understood him better than anyone. They had known each other for almost ten years, and spent some good times together.

But Mac did understand him too. She had been here almost every day for the past three years, she had done things no one else had. She had followed him to Russia when he searched for his father. And he'd been here for her too, like when she had started drinking again.

At first, her ressemblance to Diane had been difficult to live with, he was expecting her at every turn and getting only hurt by their differences. But after a while, he started to like Mac for herself, not because she reminded him of Diane.

He felt so lost...

Nell has talked about possibilities. He never had a chance to explore the possibilities with Diane, he had never taken the chance to explore them with Mac. And he had taken a chance with Nell, but she had turned him down. Well not exactly, she had said he had a choice to make. And that scared him more than anything.

*****

December 24^th 1999, Christmas Eve

Vietnam Memorial Wall

Like almost every year, Harm was standing in front of his father's name inscribed in gold on black marble. He was wearing his uniform, to honor him.

But this night, Harm wasn't thinking about his dad. He was thinking about Nell and their baby, and Mac. Two days after their last conversation, he was still lost. He wanted to talk to his dad, but what he wanted more was having his dad answer.

He lit a candle, stayed a minute or two, and left. He went back to his apartment, changed, packed a small bag and headed to the airport. He didn't have a dad, but he had a step-dad. And even if they hadn't been close when he was younger, they had a good relationship now.

*****

December 24^th 1999

LaJolla, California

Harm arrived at his parents' house late in the evening, but they were still up. He was happy to see his mom, but he couldn't wait to talk to Frank.

He was up early the next morning, more out of habit than because there were gifts to open. He made some coffee and drank it while mulling over the whole situation.

Like he expected, Frank entered the kitchen alone. They shook hands.

« Merry Christmas, Harm ! »

« Merry Christmas to you too, Frank. Coffee ? »

« Thanks. You're up early. »

« Yeah... I couldn't sleep. Frank... »

« Yes ? »

« Can I ask for your advice ? »

« I'm touched you want it. I'm all ears. »

« You remember my friend Nell ? »

« The French pilot ? Didn't you visit some city in Bosnia, or something last summer ? »

« Dubrovnik in Croatia, yes. What I never told you or mom is that... we've always been more than friends. »

« That happens. »

« She's pregnant. »

« Oh... Is it yours ? »

« Yeah. Nell wouldn't lie about that. Anyway, I asked her to marry me. At first, she said yes. But then she met Mac, and she gave me the ring back. »

« Why would she do that ? »

« She said I had to choose between Mac and her. But there's nothing between me and Mac. »

« Are you sure ? »

« I... »

« When you picture Mac in your mind, what is your first thought ? »

Harm took a second to think.

« … challenge. She always keeps me on my toes, pushes at me. And when we're on opposites sides in the courtroom, she doesn't give an inch. I have to bring my A-game everytime. »

« And when you think of Nell ? »

Again, Harm stayed silent for a minute.

« … peace. She's the most self-assured person I know. She has absolute trust in who she is, and she doesn't need to prove anything to anyone. And that makes being with her very peaceful. There's a... simplicity about her. Balance. »

« And if you picture yourself in ten years, what do you see ? Challenge or peace ? That's the real question. More than physical attraction, the important thing in a relationship is knowing the other person and knowing what this person will bring you. And Nell being pregnant doesn’t matter. »

Harm sipped his coffee in silence. He let Frank's word sink in. What did he want in life ? He was about to speak again when he heard his mom coming in the kitchen.

« Please don’t tell her anything. She'd worry like crazy. »

« I’ll keep everything to myself. »

« Thanks. I appreciate it. »

« Hello Harm ! Merry Christmas ! »

« Hello, mom. Merry Christmas to you too. »

He gave her a small package.

« Oh, thank you Harm ! Oh, it’s lovely ! »

Patricia fastened the bracelet he had given her around her wrist and hugged him.

« If you don’t mind, I’m going to go for a run, I need to clear my head. »

He went back to his room to change. Trish turned to Frank.

« What’s going on with him ? »

« Girl trouble. I expect he will tell you soon. »

*****

Harm chose the beach to run. He needed the mindless rhythm of the run, and he was pretty sure he wouldn’t meet a lot of people on the beach this early. He started with an easy pace, enjoying the fresh air and the sea breeze. After a few minutes, Harm began to feel his muscles loosen and he picked up the pace. He was starting to really enjoy his run when it hit him : he had been half in love with both Mac and Nell for quite some time.

Mac was his partner in court and in life, she was his match in a lot of ways. They had been together to hell and back, and the kiss they had shared was still burning in his mind. She had become an essential part of his life, and he had no idea if he could do without her.

And Nell had charmed him from the start, in bed and in the air. She had been his confident for years, they had trusted each other completely. With her, he felt no pressure, no expectations, he could just be himself and it was like putting down a burden. And he enjoyed a lot making love to her.

Both women were so important to him. How could he choose ? He decided to follow Frank’s advice and picture his life in ten years. He kept running on the beach, putting one foot in front of the other paying no more attention to his surroundings.

With Nell first. So they were parents, a boy, and maybe a second child, a girl this time. He would have been promoted to Captain, would he still be at JAG ? Probably. Still in Washington ? He may be given a job elsewhere, running a JAG office in some other part of the world. She would have followed him, that meant getting another job, again. Would she agree to that ? And what could she do ? Working in a control tower, like she did now ? Or getting a commercial licence ? That would be like spending all your life driving a race car and switching to a school bus.

And would they still be together ? That he could picture. A Christmas morning, a log in the fireplace and a tree, two kids opening presents, and both him and Nell sitting on the sofa, his arm around her shoulders. He could picture her smile, her weight against him. She was a cuddler, and he figured that wouldn’t change.

It would be peaceful. A quiet life. Was that what he wanted ? Would courtroom action be enough for him ?

And what kind of life would he have with Mac ? Once they started dating, they couldn't work together anymore, so one of them would have to switch careers. But which one ? They both loved their jobs. With his eyes fixed, he could shift to sea duty, maybe captain a ship. Mac could stay at JAG. But would she care for the life of a Navy wife, with him being at sea six months out of a year ? Or would he go into the private sector ? Would he like it ?

And if he stayed at JAG, what could she do ? What job could the Corps offer a lawyer outside of JAG ? Or would she go back to the private sector, like she had before ? Could she change her designator and go to a combat unit ? And what about kids ? They had this informal deal about making a baby, but the timing had to be right for her career. He was sure of one thing, Mac wouldn’t care for a quiet life. She liked action, challenge. Like he had told Frank, she would always push at him, confront him. Talking with her was always stimulating. But if they didn’t work together anymore, there wouldn’t be as much challenge and action.

The idea of finally making love to her was enticing, though. He’d wanted to see what was underneath her stiff Marine uniform for quite some time.

He tried to picture their life in ten years. But without a clear idea of their professional paths, it was harder to imagine. However he could see a dinner together, talking about their jobs, the current cases, asking for each other's advice, talking on the phone while he was on his ship.

After running for almost an hour, he was nowhere closer to figuring out his future. He stopped for a minute, out of breath, drank at a fountain and started his run back. This time, he tried to picture his life without them. Again, Nell first.

If he married Mac, Nell had assured him he would be part of their baby’s life. He assumed the first years she would have exclusive custody, that was normal. He could visit often. But what if he was assigned elsewhere ? Or if she moved back to France ? They would keep in touch, but at what cost ? And what would be Mac's attitude towards that child ? Would she keep wondering about Nell and him ? Would she ever doubt him ?

And if he married Nell, what place would Mac have in his life ? If they both stayed at JAG, not much would change. He expected they would feel weird about each other for a while, then they would find a new rhythm, a new way to be around each other. There would still be occasional court disputes, and investigations around the world. Would the Admiral still send them together ? Brumby was crazy about her, would he convince her to give him a chance ? And what if they moved to Australia ? She would be on the other side of the world, would they keep in touch ?

Harm tripped and fell in the sand, winded. He started to get up, and decided to remain seated for a moment. He hadn’t taken any time to watch the sea, and it was something he had always enjoyed. First, when his dad had been deployed at sea, then when Frank had taken them to the Bahamas after he had married his mom, and again when he was on carrier duty.

He watched the waves and thought that Nell had been right. He had to close a door and walk through the other. A coward would have deserted them both, but he wasn’t one. He knew he was going to deeply hurt one of the woman he cared most about in the world, and he couldn’t avoid it. The idea made him sad and weary. And how to tell her ? And with that thought, he knew his heart had settled down. He knew where his future lied. He came back to his mother’s house at a lighter pace, and wrote a letter.

*****

Gold Wings and Sparrowhawk - Chapter 16

Chapter 16

December 22^nd 1999

JAG HQ

Nell was quite anxious when she entered the bullpen. It was bustling with people coming right and left. A blond lieutenant came to her with a smile.

« Hello, ma'am. Can I help you ? »

« Hello. I'm looking for Lieutenant Commander Rabb. »

« His office is right here, if he's not in, he should be shortly. »

« Thank you, lieutenant. »

When she entered Harm's office, she smiled. He had displayed his flight helmet and souvenirs in a way nobody could miss. She took a look at the pictures on the wall, recognised some faces.

« Nell ! »

« Hey Harm. It's nice to see them. Do you still miss it ? »

« Less than I did before. Leaving the squadron was my choice this time. Do you ? »

« Yes. But I made that choice too, and for the best of reasons. »

« You still want to keep it quiet ? »

« If you don't mind, yes. We'll tell them when I come back. »

« All right. Let's go. »

Nell took a deep breath before entering the conference room.

« Nervous ? »

« A bit, yes. »

« Don't worry, they don't bite. Except maybe the Admiral. »

They smiled and he opened the door. A few people were already inside, helping themselves of champagne and appetizers. He took Nell towards a tall, balding man that was obviously his boss.

« Admiral, I'd like you to meet Lieutenant-Colonel Hélène Marchand, of the French Air Force. »

« Colonel, nice to meet you. »

« You too, Sir. »

« Nell was a fighter pilot and we flew together for the last time last summer. »

« I didn't know they had female pilots in the French Air Force. »

« I'm the first one, Sir. »

« And a good one. » Harm added.

« Thanks ! »

« Are you better than him, Colonel ? »

Nell looked taken aback. « I'd say as good as him, Sir. »

« Then you did a good job, Colonel. »

« Thank you, Sir. And it's Nell. »

« Would you like some champagne ? »

« No, thank you. I'll get some sparkling water. »

She approached the table when a Marine Lieutenant Colonel was helping herself to some water as well.

« Non alcooholic beverage ? »

« Yes, please. »

« Here. I'm Mac. »

« Thanks. And I'm Nell. »

« You came in with Harm ? »

At that moment, Harm stepped close. « I see you've met. »

« Yes. Nell was about to tell me how she met you. »

Nell had a mischievous smile. « I shot him down. »

« You what ? »

« It was a simulated kill in a NATO exercise. » Harm was pouting a bit.

« I was a fighter pilot, and we were in opposite teams. He shot my wingman, so I retaliated. »

« And you shot him down. » Mac rang her glass against Nell's. « Good job ! »

« Thanks ! »

« I knew it was a mistake letting you two meet... »

Nell smiled. « Some things you can't avoid, Harm. »

The admiral raised his voice. « Everyone, please. Here is to another year almost gone, with people out and in. » He turned to Harm, who smiled sheppishly. « Again. Thanks to all of you for your hard work, and dedication. I expect no less from you next year. Merry Christmas. »

« Hear Hear ! » He raised his glass and everybody did the same.

Harm took Nell's hand and stepped forward. « I also have an announcement. Nell and I just got engaged. »

There were a lot of surprised looks, and Bud raised his glass. « Congratulations, Sir. All our best wishes. »

As just before, everyone raised their glasses. « Hear Hear ! »

Harriet jumped in front of them. « Oh, I'm so happy, Sir, Ma'am. »

« Thanks Harriet. Nell, Lieutenant Harriet Simms. »

« Can I... » Nell raised her left hand and Harriet beamed. « Oh, it's beautiful ! »

« Thanks. »

Other people started to gather around them. Nell glanced up at Harm and saw that he was watching someone. She followed his gaze and saw Mac, looking distraught. She looked back at Harm, saw the same troubled look on his face.

She kept smiling, and answering questions and congratulations, but her heart wasn't in it anymore.

When people started to back away, she excused herself and went to the bathroom. She locked herself in a stall and sat down. Harm had told her about Mac, his colleague and friend. She knew she had been here for him, and him for her in countless situations. They had saved each other's lives. But this look... Were they in love with each other ? Was she putting herself between them ?

Nell breathed slowly to regain her composure. She exited her stall, spashed water on her face and dried it with the tears that hadn't fallen.

She went back to the conference room and mingled again through JAG personnel. Harriet came up to her.

« So, have you set a date yet ? »

« No. He proposed yesterday, so we haven't thought about it yet. »

« When you have, Ma'am, I can help you with the planning. I got married just a year and a half ago, so a lot of details are still fresh in my memory. And in my wedding planning book. »

« Thanks, Harriet. I'll keep that in mind. And it's Nell. »

She found herslef near Mac a little while later.

« Congratulations, Nell. » Mac's smile was forced and didn't reach her eyes.

« Thank you, Mac. » Nell watched at Mac attentively, trying to discern something on the woman's face and behaviour. They parted without another word.

Later that evening, Nell and Harm went back to his apartment for a last dinner. Harm went to the phone to order some Thai delivery. Nell sat at the bar and looked at her ring.

« Harm... can I ask you a personnal question ? »

« Of course. What is it ? »

« What's between you and Mac  ? »

« We're friends and colleagues. »

« Has there ever been... more ? »

Harm looked confused. « No. Why do you ask ? »

« If I exchanged looks with a friend the way you and Mac did, I would redefine our friendship... »

« Nell... »

« I'm not accusing you of anything, Harm. But from what I saw, there are still speculations and possibilities between you two. I'm sorry, Harm but you will have to make a choice. At the moment, you're facing two open doors. And you have to close one in order to get through the other. One leads to Mac, and all the possibilities you never explored, the other leads to me. »

Nell took the ring out and set in on the counter in front of Harm who looked stunned

« Whatever path you choose, you will always have a place in our baby's life, I promise you that. But you can't marry me just because I'm pregnant, and I can't wonder about you and Mac. Whoever you chose, you have to give yourself entirely. I'm really sorry that you have to make that choice. »

Nell got up, looking sad and tired.

« I can't back out now, so I'll still move to Washington next week. I'm going home tomorrow, to spend Christmas with my family. You can reach me when I come back »

She opened the door.

« Bye, Harm. »

*****

Gold Wings and Sparrowhawk - Chapter 15

Chapter 15

December 21^st 1999

Nell had been in Washington for less than three days, and she was already feeling overwhelmed.

First, the apartment Lt-Colonel Petit was leaving needed some furniture, and since she had been living on base, in full furnished apartments, all her career, she had to buy at least a bed, a sofa and a bookcase. That meant a trip to the furniture store. Without a car.

Then, a visit to her new office had revealed that none of her new collegues were aware she was coming. And her training course hadn't been planned. She was starting in a few weeks, and she had no idea what her job would entitle. Luckily her green card and immigration papers were in order.

And finally, Harm had invited her to dinner that night, and then to the JAG Christmas party the following day.

Not to mention going back France to spend the holidays with her family then going back to Washington soon after that.

Her pregnancy was going well, thankfully, but she had been getting increasingly tired this past week, as well as jet-lagged, and when she was tired, she was cranky.

She had high hopes for this dinner with Harm to be simple, and without drama.

Harm on the other hand, had been getting increasingly nervous about introducing Nell to his coworkers and friends. How do you introduce the mother of your unborn child ? My companion ? My friend ? And should he mention the baby ?

He also had made a decision, and he was hoping Nell would be on board with it. But he was very anxious about it.

So when he opened the door, none of them were not feeling their best.

« Hey ! »

« Hey Nell. How are you ? »

« Tired mostly. It's been a rough couple of days. » She then proceeded to tell him about all the worries she'd had lately. Harm set them up with a nice dinner and her mood lifted.

« Nell... I've been thinking... Did I tell you about my dad ? »

« Yes, some. He went MIA during the Vietnam war, right ? »

« Yes. He was a Naval Aviator and he disappeared on Christmas eve 1969. I was six years old. »

« I'm sorry. It must have been hard growing up without your father. »

« Very. I... I realized that if anything happens to me, you will find yourself all alone. You won't qualify for death benefits, or inherit what I own. That's why I thought... »

Harm took a little box out of his pocket and opened it to reveal a ring.

« I thought we should get married. It would be a security for you and our baby. »

Nell put down her fork and shook her head.

« Harm ! No woman wants to hear she should marry for security. If you want to convince me to tie the knot, you'll have to find something else ! »

Harm opened his mouth, closed it, looked at the ring and back at Nell.

« Nell... »

She waited patiently while he was trying to think of something.

« I want to be there for you and the baby. »

« You can be there even if we're not married. Try again. »

Harm stayed silent for a minute. « Would you make a family with me ? »

Nell's eyes filled. « See, that wasn't so hard. »

« So, you're saying... yes ? »

« Yes. I'll make a family with you. »

Harm smiled and put the ring on Nell's finger. It was a square cut diamond set between by two triangle cut sapphires.

« Oh, Harm, it's beautiful ! »

« You like it ? »

«A lot. And now I know what nickname our baby is going to have. »

« A nickname ? »

« We can't just call him 'the baby'. So, what do you think of 'Baby Blue' ? »

Harm put his hand on Nell's womb. « Yeah, sounds good. Hello Baby Blue ! »

She had a cry of surprise and put her hand over Harm's.

« What ? »

« He moved ! I felt the baby move ! »

« Oh. I didn't. »

« I'm sorry. He's so tiny. I promise you'll feel him too. »

« You're past three months, right ? »

« Yes, I'm in my fifteenth week. Beginning of the fourth month. »

« I had an idea for a boy's name. What do you think about calling him Harmon ? »

« Like you. »

« And like my father. I'm Harmon Junior. He would be Harmon the third. »

« Well, that's a big name for a little boy. Counter-offer, counselor : Harmon as a middle name, with another first name. Deal ? »

« That would be an acceptable offer. Did you have something in mind ? »

« Well, I like Elliot. And Bosco too. And Falco. And for a girl ? Do you have an idea ? »

« I like Gabrielle. »

« Gabrielle... I hadn't thought about it. Gaby... I like it. Gabrielle Alice. My mother's name is Alice. What do you think ? »

« Gabrielle Alice. It's on the list. And I like Elliot. Elliot Harmon, yeah. »

« Well, it's a good start. »

« Tomorrow, at the party, do you want to tell everyone about Baby Blue ? »

« If you don't mind, I'd rather not. You're going to tell them about our engagement, maybe... keep it one news at a time ? I'm not showing yet, so we can tell them when I come back after the holidays, what do you think ? »

« If that's what you want, okay. »

« Thanks. I had to tell my squadron way too early for my taste, plus it will give your colleagues a second occasion to rejoice with us. »

« All right. »

« I appreciate it. We can do a baby party in the spring if you want. »

« I don't know about that... »

Harm linked his fingers with Nell's over her belly. « We're going to make a good family. »

*****

Gold Wings and Sparrowhawk - Chapter 14

Chapter 14

November 1999

Harm's apartment

At the knock on the door, Harm wiped his hands on the towel and went to open.

« Nell ! I'm so happy to see you ! »

« You too sailor ! »

They hugged warmly.

« I'm glad you came. »

« I wasn't going to pass through Washington and not see you. »

« How long are you here ? »

Nell sat to the stool at the bar, and Harm opened his fridge.

« What can I get you ? White wine, beer ? »

« A glass of sparkling water will be fine. Thanks. I'm leaving the day after tomorrow. »

« You're not staying long ! »

« I've already been here for a few days, visiting friends in Richmond. I told you my grandfather was a Liaison Officer at NATO for the French Army. He spent a year in the States, and made a friend, Colonel Bruehl. I spent a summer with him and his family when I was a teenager, and we've stayed in touch ever since. »

« Nice ! »

« Yeah. »

Nell was playing with her drink, looking a bit distant. Harm set the timer on his oven and sat down on a stool facing her.

« Nell ? What's going on ? »

She looked at Harm and took a deep breath.

« Harm... Our stay in Dubrovnik... it had some consequences. »

« Consequences ? »

« Yeah... I'm pregnant. »

Harm opened his mouth, closed it, flabbergasted.

« You're sure ? »

« Yes. I'm sorry, it's all my fault. I was twelve hours late in taking my pill, and the doctor told me it was enough. »

« Don't blame yourself, Nell. It's equally my fault for not taking precautions. What are you going to do about it ? »

« I'm keeping the baby. I wouldn't be here if I hadn't. »

« And... what about me ? »

« You can choose the place you want in the baby's life. You can be a part of it, visitation rights, or none at all if you prefer. »

Harm looked at Nell's belly.

« No, I'm not showing yet. »

She took an envelope out of her bag and handed it to Harm.

« This is for you. »

Inside, Harm found some pictures. He had no idea what he was looking at until...

« Is it... our baby ? »

« Yes. » Nell smiled softly. « It doesn't look much like a baby yet, but you can see its head and its body. It's about one inch long. »

Harm had trouble breathing. His eyes were fixed on the photos.

« Am I... am I going to be a father ? »

« Yes. »

His eyes filled. He looked at Nell's belly again. She extanded her hand, took his and placed it on her abdomen. He lifted his gaze and looked into Nell's eyes.

« I want to be in this baby's life. I want to be a father. »

« I was hoping you'd say that. »

They stayed silent for a while. The oven's timer rang and made them jump.

« Lasagna's ready. »

Harm hesitated. « Can you eat that ? Do you have a special diet ? It's salmon and spinach. »

« It's perfect. Don't worry. »

Harm served them and they started to eat.

« It's delicious ! »

« Thanks. So, what now ? I assume you can't fly anymore. »

« No, I've been grounded since I told my CO at the beginning of October. I've been working at the control tower. »

« How is it ? »

« Pretty intense. But I enjoy it more than I thought I would. But God I miss flying. »

« Yeah, I know the feeling. You're planning on staying in France ? »

« I'm considering my options. One of them is staying in France. »

Harm paused, pondering his own options.

« I wonder if they need American lawyers in France. »

« I'm sorry, I wouldn't know. But one of my options is working for NATO in Washington. I'm meeting someone tomorrow. »

« You would consider moving here ? »

« You were thinking about moving to France. I don't like American food, except yours, I have the utmost contempt for your health insurance system, but yes, I can move here. »

« About health benefits... »

« If I work for NATO, it'll be a French representative, so French insurance kicks in. No worries about that. »

« Okay. And what would you do for NATO ? »

« Liaison officer. Could be interesting. But they don't send pregnant women overseas, so I'd have to wait until my maternity leave is over. I'm due on June 19^th, so that would be around the end of August, September if I can get an extension. »

« You wouldn't be coming back before that ? »

« I haven't organized anything yet. I wanted to see you before starting any plan. »

« I'm with you all the way. I can get a temporary leave in June, so I'll be here for the birth of our baby. Do... do you know yet if it's a boy or a girl ? »

« No, it's way too early to tell. »

« Have you thought about names yet ? »

« No. I want to wait until I'm three months along to start on that. »

« Why wait ? »

« Well, most miscarriages happen during the first three months, so... »

« Oh. »

« The doctor said the heartbeat is strong, so that's a good sign. »

« Are you... happy about it ? I mean, this is really unexpected. »

« At first I was lost, and a bit mad, because I couldn't fly anymore. But now... yeah, I'm happy. »

« Me too. I haven't been in a relationship with a woman long enough to envision children, and I was starting to wonder if I would ever be a dad some day. Thank you, Nell. »

« For what ? »

« For keeping the baby, and telling me about it. »

« Harm, I've known you for over nine years. We're good friends. I would never have kept it from you. »

Harm reached over the bar and took Nell's hand. « Thanks. »

They smiled at each other.

*****

The next day

NATO office in Washington DC

Nell entered the office stood at attention.

« Lieutenant-Colonel Nell Marchand, reporting as ordered. »

« At ease, Colonel. Have a seat. »

« Thank you, mon Colonel. »

« So, you'd like to work for NATO ? I have your resume here, and it's quite impressive. Djibouti, Bosnia. And the letter of recommendation General Roux wrote is very positive. But you don't want to fly anymore ? »

« Unfortunately, Sir, my desire to fly is not in question here. I'm grounded due to my pregnancy. I can go back on flight status in about a year, but I'm considering relocation in the States so I can be closer to the baby's father. Working for NATO as a liaison officer would be a good option. »

« What do you know about what we do ? »

« About the job itself, not much. But I've worked under NATO's flag, flown with pilots from different nations, and I'm fluent in English. I'm willing to study, have a training course to learn what needs to be done. »

« And when would you be available ? »

« Early September. I'm due around June 19^th, so taking into consideration my maternity leave, not earlier than August 28^th. »

« So it's very early yet. »

« Yes, Sir. I'm in my tenth week. »

« So you may be able to move in... let's say January ? »

« Technically, yes, Sir. But I'm not sure I'd be allowed to. »

« Here is my problem : my Air Force liaison is retiring on December 31^st. I need to replace him, but the two people that were selected can't make it. You'd be a perfect candidate. Would you be okay to start in January ? »

« I don't see why not, sir. I just have to find a place to live. »

« Well, since Lieutenant-Colonel Petit is returning to France, his apartment is available. I'll see to it that you can move in as soon as he's out. I'll give him your contact information. »

« Thank you sir. »

« I'll contact your CO and administration to deal with the paperwork. If everything goes well, you'll be with us in a couple of months ! »

Their final handshake was firm, and made Nell smile. This new chapter of her life seemed to be more exciting than ever !

*****